Here we are, at the beginning of the end

There was a period in my life where I felt as though I knew exactly how things were going to go. I knew what college I was going to go to, which college would preface that, the hardships I was going to face, the fights with people who are close to me I was going to have, the friends I would lose, what competitions I would compete in, my career path, and much more felt like a known factor.

The only problem is that I didn't see myself alive past 18. It may sound insane, but I literally had no idea I was going to live past the age of 18, and was terrified every day for a long time that I would just stop existing, because I couldn't see the set path in front of me.

Fast forward 5 years. Each day still feels like it shouldn't be happening, so at least once a day, I try to appreciate some aspect of the world around me. Things have become crazy and amazing, and there's no way of telling it's not going to hit the fan in the next three minutes.

Maybe I'll grow old and bitter. Maybe I'll become famous at the drop of a hat. Maybe I'll marry and live the white picket fence life. Maybe none, or all.

Somehow not knowing is better. It's hectic, and I feel like there aren't many chances to relax, but then I take a deep breath, and realize that every second I'm alive I can have comfort in that. When I die, I may not even know it anyway.

Today was busy. Lots of writing postcards, sending off important emails, buying camera equipment for the darkroom, and mentally prepping for the semester ahead. Dragon Con is this coming weekend, and I believe Angela and I are going to be working security.

Nothing feels ready or real, but that's life for you.

Today is the end of being able to see where the road goes. Today is a new beginning of real adventures outside of my head.

Hit the ground running

It has likely been at least a year since I've tried my hand at this blogging junk.

The only reason I feel so inclined to write anything down now is simply because so much has happened I don't know how to keep track otherwise.

Ever since that pageant I was in at World Steam Expo a little over a year ago, life got crazier and more awesome. This is a far more professional type of crazy than I'm used to, but c'est vie, right?

I started working at conventions, firstly for Lord Montague Jaque Fromage III (yes, Monterrey Jack cheese) at the Steampunk Funk Bizarre Booth. The first show I worked was in...Miami, FL I think? I was all nervous, but once things started I felt at home. Shortly after I worked at the Blonde Swan hat booth with Elisabeth and Alex (knowing their names is only relative to me I suppose). Again, I felt as though I was with family. School was happening, and occasionally I would run off on the weekends to go to a convention, event, or otherwise.

That really worked out great for the fall as I was in a photography class, and had lots of amazing places for photos. the spring was far more time intensive as I was back in a metals class as well as drawing, but it was a blast. I daydream of perfect solder lines. Though I should say that I still really miss doing stained glass as well.

Accidentally became the president of a gaming club at IU. Somehow nothing caught fire or started a revolutionary war, but a good replacement has been found as I found myself a bit too overwhelmed to really dedicate any time to it.

When May hit things really took off. School ended with lots of big projects, and I had to skip out on Monday cleanup for the metals class because I was too exhausted from doing Chicago Comicon with Leather Lair. I spent that morning soaking in an amazingly large tub. My feet thanked me, because they always end up cursing at me after a weekend in heels.

I came home for a short while, then went to Ohio to hang around the Blonde Swan Studio. It was amazing. The people that run that place are seriously an inspiration. We went to a show in New Jersey, the World's Fair. It was a magical time, filled with friends and fun. The next weekend was Detroit Michigan for another steampunk show. I don't know how they did it, but both weekends they had two booths running in different states, and were still managing shop from afar.

Upon returning home, I un- and re-packed to head out with my parents to visit family in Maryland. this was a fairly short trip, but it was nice to see everyone.

Got home on June 5th, and scurried home to pack for the big 6 week trip that would happen in CA. Left on the 7th for Indy, and flew out on the 8th. E3 was that week, so everything felt like it happened really quickly. Got to meet some people who made a super sweet game called the Journey Down. The weeks after that included a trip to Vegas, Disneyland, tabletop nights, Anime Expo, lots of tea, and yoga classes. I've never felt like I could move anywhere before, and I never really felt inclined to, but Burbank, CA is a pretty amazing place. It's a good mix of professional and really laid-back artsy types. I was overtly lucky/blessed/however you want to look at it to stay with some really amazing people (see above photo). They also had some really swell cats. All were named after parts of a pasta dish. Pasta cats.

That trip ended with working at San Diego Comicon. It was awesome, and I really couldn't ask for better coworkers. I flew home on Monday the 22nd, and spent a few days home before whisking off to Utah for Salt City Steamfest.
 

SO. Here I am. Sitting in a hotel room and blurting out the some of my life in the past year or so. Quite obviously there were a lot of other amazing ups and some crippling downs. My grandfather passed away, which you can never fully prepare for. But! We got to exchange all of our goodbyes, and he gave me words of wisdom. My sister got to study abroad, I was accepted into a higher photography class, and I've gotten to do a boatload of traveling. Thankfully, there's been a lot more good than bad/sad. Even then, the things that were hard or hurt could be managed.

Look at all this rambling! I suppose this is what my mind had me set out to do, so it doesn't matter if I left things out, or didn't bring up something important. You just hit a point sometimes where you're scared you won't remember things anymore, so you want to keep track of when and where you are and were. While this post is horrendously disjointed, it gets the basic points across.

Short story time!

When I was really little, my grandpa pulled out a small book from his pocket and asked me to sign it. I asked why he wanted me to sign it, because I hadn't done anything important that would make my scrawly name significant. He said it was because he wanted to be the first one that had my signature for when I was famous. I thought he was silly, but it's funny how something so tiny can have such a huge impact on you later in life. I'm not searching for fame and fortune, but that interaction is what led me to wanting to try and do more. I don't care if my name has no significance for other people. I just want to be able to have a fraction of the confidence in myself that my grandfather had in me. 

Done now! Off to work before repacking! Going home tomorrow! Who knows how long it will be for this time. heh.