Here we are, at the beginning of the end

There was a period in my life where I felt as though I knew exactly how things were going to go. I knew what college I was going to go to, which college would preface that, the hardships I was going to face, the fights with people who are close to me I was going to have, the friends I would lose, what competitions I would compete in, my career path, and much more felt like a known factor.

The only problem is that I didn't see myself alive past 18. It may sound insane, but I literally had no idea I was going to live past the age of 18, and was terrified every day for a long time that I would just stop existing, because I couldn't see the set path in front of me.

Fast forward 5 years. Each day still feels like it shouldn't be happening, so at least once a day, I try to appreciate some aspect of the world around me. Things have become crazy and amazing, and there's no way of telling it's not going to hit the fan in the next three minutes.

Maybe I'll grow old and bitter. Maybe I'll become famous at the drop of a hat. Maybe I'll marry and live the white picket fence life. Maybe none, or all.

Somehow not knowing is better. It's hectic, and I feel like there aren't many chances to relax, but then I take a deep breath, and realize that every second I'm alive I can have comfort in that. When I die, I may not even know it anyway.

Today was busy. Lots of writing postcards, sending off important emails, buying camera equipment for the darkroom, and mentally prepping for the semester ahead. Dragon Con is this coming weekend, and I believe Angela and I are going to be working security.

Nothing feels ready or real, but that's life for you.

Today is the end of being able to see where the road goes. Today is a new beginning of real adventures outside of my head.

Hit the ground running

It has likely been at least a year since I've tried my hand at this blogging junk.

The only reason I feel so inclined to write anything down now is simply because so much has happened I don't know how to keep track otherwise.

Ever since that pageant I was in at World Steam Expo a little over a year ago, life got crazier and more awesome. This is a far more professional type of crazy than I'm used to, but c'est vie, right?

I started working at conventions, firstly for Lord Montague Jaque Fromage III (yes, Monterrey Jack cheese) at the Steampunk Funk Bizarre Booth. The first show I worked was in...Miami, FL I think? I was all nervous, but once things started I felt at home. Shortly after I worked at the Blonde Swan hat booth with Elisabeth and Alex (knowing their names is only relative to me I suppose). Again, I felt as though I was with family. School was happening, and occasionally I would run off on the weekends to go to a convention, event, or otherwise.

That really worked out great for the fall as I was in a photography class, and had lots of amazing places for photos. the spring was far more time intensive as I was back in a metals class as well as drawing, but it was a blast. I daydream of perfect solder lines. Though I should say that I still really miss doing stained glass as well.

Accidentally became the president of a gaming club at IU. Somehow nothing caught fire or started a revolutionary war, but a good replacement has been found as I found myself a bit too overwhelmed to really dedicate any time to it.

When May hit things really took off. School ended with lots of big projects, and I had to skip out on Monday cleanup for the metals class because I was too exhausted from doing Chicago Comicon with Leather Lair. I spent that morning soaking in an amazingly large tub. My feet thanked me, because they always end up cursing at me after a weekend in heels.

I came home for a short while, then went to Ohio to hang around the Blonde Swan Studio. It was amazing. The people that run that place are seriously an inspiration. We went to a show in New Jersey, the World's Fair. It was a magical time, filled with friends and fun. The next weekend was Detroit Michigan for another steampunk show. I don't know how they did it, but both weekends they had two booths running in different states, and were still managing shop from afar.

Upon returning home, I un- and re-packed to head out with my parents to visit family in Maryland. this was a fairly short trip, but it was nice to see everyone.

Got home on June 5th, and scurried home to pack for the big 6 week trip that would happen in CA. Left on the 7th for Indy, and flew out on the 8th. E3 was that week, so everything felt like it happened really quickly. Got to meet some people who made a super sweet game called the Journey Down. The weeks after that included a trip to Vegas, Disneyland, tabletop nights, Anime Expo, lots of tea, and yoga classes. I've never felt like I could move anywhere before, and I never really felt inclined to, but Burbank, CA is a pretty amazing place. It's a good mix of professional and really laid-back artsy types. I was overtly lucky/blessed/however you want to look at it to stay with some really amazing people (see above photo). They also had some really swell cats. All were named after parts of a pasta dish. Pasta cats.

That trip ended with working at San Diego Comicon. It was awesome, and I really couldn't ask for better coworkers. I flew home on Monday the 22nd, and spent a few days home before whisking off to Utah for Salt City Steamfest.
 

SO. Here I am. Sitting in a hotel room and blurting out the some of my life in the past year or so. Quite obviously there were a lot of other amazing ups and some crippling downs. My grandfather passed away, which you can never fully prepare for. But! We got to exchange all of our goodbyes, and he gave me words of wisdom. My sister got to study abroad, I was accepted into a higher photography class, and I've gotten to do a boatload of traveling. Thankfully, there's been a lot more good than bad/sad. Even then, the things that were hard or hurt could be managed.

Look at all this rambling! I suppose this is what my mind had me set out to do, so it doesn't matter if I left things out, or didn't bring up something important. You just hit a point sometimes where you're scared you won't remember things anymore, so you want to keep track of when and where you are and were. While this post is horrendously disjointed, it gets the basic points across.

Short story time!

When I was really little, my grandpa pulled out a small book from his pocket and asked me to sign it. I asked why he wanted me to sign it, because I hadn't done anything important that would make my scrawly name significant. He said it was because he wanted to be the first one that had my signature for when I was famous. I thought he was silly, but it's funny how something so tiny can have such a huge impact on you later in life. I'm not searching for fame and fortune, but that interaction is what led me to wanting to try and do more. I don't care if my name has no significance for other people. I just want to be able to have a fraction of the confidence in myself that my grandfather had in me. 

Done now! Off to work before repacking! Going home tomorrow! Who knows how long it will be for this time. heh.

Reprieve

 WELL. Look how much time has passed.

To catch up since the last post:

Bethany went through with the surgery, and got her colon removed. It had over 100 polyps in it, so it was good that she got it done. She does have a stoma for the time being, but they already built her a new colon, and it is inside of her body and healing as I type this. She'll get another surgery to hook it up to her system sometime early August. Hopefully all will go well, and she won't ever have to deal with having a stoma again.

During the two weeks I was in MN with my family while the surgery stuff was happening, I was practicing for the pageant. Had to take the electric bass to the shop and all that jazz. Came home on the 21st (late at night), and left again on the 24th very early in the morning for Detroit to get to the World Steam Expo. The WSE always provides a good time, and it was another fun year there. Tons of amazing people and things to see. The pageant was super fun, but I didn't place. I am definitely ok with that, as I was nervous as hell, messed up terribly, and kept nervously talking. It was an experience I really did enjoy, and may take another swing at next year. Who knows?

After returning from the expo, I had a few days home to work at the restaurant, then it was off again to LA for E3. Busy but fun week! Got to hang out with Lani, Chris, and Marc. We did have a bit of a panic session about not knowing where our camera guy went, but things turned out ok in the end.

The weeks after that were just lots of working and writing. It's all quite a blur honestly. Beth is doing much better, though her losing some 20-odd pounds in about a month did give us a bit of a scare.

This past weekend I worked at Supercon in Miami, FL with Sir Montague Jaque Fromage (The bloke in the middle of the top picture). The time away was much needed, and it was quite fun! This upcoming weekend will be going to Indianapolis for Days of the Dead. I've never been to a horror convention, so this will be interesting. It makes me wonder what the attendees will be like compared to other conventions. I won't have long to wonder I suppose.

That sums up just about everything. (The condensed version at least) It's been a wild ride thus far, but things are settling out, and picking up speed. Just the way I like it. :)

Surgery Day

^^^^^^^^^

This is my sister Bethany

Alright people. It's the day of the surgery. Bethany is in prep at the moment, but I wanted to explain why she's getting the surgery, as it may be confusing for a lot of people.

Beth and Dad both have a really rare genetic disease called familial polyposis. It basically starts off with a build up of polyps in your colon, and becomes cancer. (There are tons of other things involved with it, but that's the biggie) Dad has had his colon out for years, but Beth has known since she was twelve that she would have to have her colon removed at some point. The only thing is that she thought this wouldn't be coming for several more years. You can imagine how tough it would be to have something like this weighing on your mind all the time, and finding out that you're going to have it a whole lot sooner than you thought.

We landed in Minnesota late on the 9^th, and honestly didn't know if she'd be doing the surgery for sure or not. She did testing yesterday on the 10^th, and at the end of the day was in a room full of specialists and doctors who were discussing possibilities, but in the end were really just scratching their heads. Dad and Beth are really the pioneers for this particular case, so there are dangers no matter what way you turn. The real debate was whether they should put off the surgery and wait (increasing the chances of cancer hitting), or do the surgery, and deal with scar tissue and adhesions. The reason adhesions are an issue is because after Dad had his colon removed, these things formed a desmoid tumor around his vital organs. To remove this tumor would have obvious consequences.

SO. Beth has chosen to do the surgery and take her chances. It's a very scary time, and we need as many prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes as everyone can muster. If you know Beth, blow up her phone with texts, send her messages on Facebook, or find some way to show her your support. Please and thank you.  

Insanity

SO! I haven't touched this blog-thing in a long time. And honestly, I'm only bothering with it again because my brain is spazzing out a bit from all that's going on. This blog is mainly for my friends and family who want to be kept in the loop, but if you stumble across this, congratulations! I'm another human being who does things.

I normally put up pictures with my ramblings, and as I haven't used this in some time, I will put up an old, extremely unfinished doodle. His name is Tucker.

Ok so, here's the low-down:

Tomorrow, I'm traveling to Rochester, Minnesota to MAYO clinic with the family because my sister is getting her colon removed. This is scary for us, but I can't even begin to imagine where her head-space is like. The most we can do is just be there for her. I'll be there from the 9th-21st/23rd? There will be lots of waiting, but I may use this bloggy-deal as a way to update those who want to know what's going on. That remains to be seen.

Upon returning at the end of the month, I'll be heading out again for the World Steam Expo in Dearborn, MI where I'll be competing in the Miss World Steam Pageant. Woo! Then I'll be back in town for four days, then off to LA for E3 with the GamerFront crew. A brief reprise, then I start my convention job at the Steampunk Funk Bizarre with Sir Montague. Then school starts up again. There will be much going on in between, who can tell what all will happen. 

Here's to hoping everything will turn out alright. If you pray, or send positive vibes or anything, I would appreciate it if you send some along to my sister. Thankies.

The times

 

Well, this year is not at all what I thought it would be. It's been a lot of growing mentally. Slowly and painfully I have learned to grasp a hold of some sort of continuity. It's difficult to know that you are your own boss and have to determine your own schedule. It sounds like a dream come true, but it can be a nightmare. 

All that nonsense aside, things are going well. Hopefully there will be a lot more projects posted on here soon. Until then, I have nothing but doodles. :3

Hand is faster than the eye!

*FACE KICK*

...But you should have been watching the foot. :3

Life is crazy busy as normal, but I'm doing my best to doddle away and and keep on keepin on. Lots of things coming up, C2E2 where I'll be cosplaying Power Girl, photo shoot with the wonderful Chris Borchik, possibly a musical endeavor(we'll see about that) and photos I finally got back from a previous shoot I need to weed through and edit. Lots of reviews that need to be caught up on, and one more week until spring break. I'm so happy about a week off you have no idea. Even though I'll probably fill it full of craziness. >.> Like always XD

 

 

Oh college...